Star Trek: TNG/Xena Crossover

By: William Babcock

 

Disclaimer: Captain Jean-Luc Picard, William Riker, Data, Geordi La Forge, Beverly Crusher, Q, Worf, Deanna Troi and Lwaxana Troi from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" are property of Paramount Pictures. Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto, Ares and Joxer are property of MCA Universal Studios. I am not making any money, and it was written only for enjoyment for myself and other fans.

Rated PG

Five people including Lwaxana Troi beamed into the transporter room. Deanna came down to transporter room to meet her mother, Lwaxana, and gave her hug. Deanna said, "Welcome back, mother. It's been so long since I've seen you. What have you been doing lately?"

Lwaxana said, "I'm glad to see you, too. I'm just looking for another man so I could get married. This time I hope there is some good looking man on your ship."

Something in the transporter was acting funny. Something was coming on board. Deanna called for Captain Picard to come to the transporter room. When the Captain came, he called for "Red Alert." Then suddenly, Q and Ares materialized. The captain said angrily, "Q, why do you have to come again? Who's that other man?"

Q said, "I want you to meet Ares, the God of War. He decided to join the Q Continuum. I even had Zeus in the Q Continuum. He showed me how to throw lightning bolts. I enjoy throwing lightning bolts at Hercules."

The captain replied, "Now Q, we don't need both of you."

Lwaxana said to Deanna, "I think I'll have Ares. He's cute and sexy"

Deanna said, "Mother, Ares is immortal and he is the God of War. You just don't go and mate with immortals.

Ares said, "I'll take her. We'll go back several thousand years." Now Callisto suddenly appeared with a sword. Ares commented, "I just want you to meet Callisto from our Continuum. She's our newest Q. We are going to defeat Xena. She's a warrior princess."

Riker arrived and said to Callisto, "Put down your sword. You are not taking our crew to defeat Xena."

Riker fired phasor at the sword and it melted. Callisto said, "What kind of sorcery is this? " Callisto push Riker down and then kissed him.

Callisto commented, "I want that sorcery tool so I could use it against Xena."

Riker replied, "This is phasor; not a sorcery weapon of power. This is our weapon for our time. I'm not going to use that against Xena and I'm not going to kill anyone. What have you got against Xena?"

Callisto used her power and threw Riker across the ship. Callisto replied, "Xena is my number one enemy."

Deanna asked Riker, "Are you okay?"

Riker replied, "Yes, but she sure has evil power."

Captain Picard, Riker, Deanna, Lwaxana, Data, Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Geordi suddenly got beamed down along with Q, Ares and Callisto. All of them appeared right front of Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer.

Xena said angrily, "Ares, did you bring more Gods with you. If Callisto is supposed to be dead, why is she here?" Xena then said to Worf, "What kind of strange God are you?"

Worf said, "I'm not a God, I am Klingon, the warrior."

The Captain said, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We are from USS Enterprise from several thousand years in the future. Q is responsible to bringing us here. We will do you no harm."

Xena said, "Are you the God of Q? Are you the God of Klingon? Ares, Did you bring Callisto back from dead?"

Q said, "I brought Callisto to the Q Continuum along with Ares. Ares and Callisto just want to defeat you." Q turned all phasers into swords. Q commented, "To make it fair, the swords will be the weapons."

Xena and Callisto drew out their swords. Xena was now fighting with Callisto using swords and kicking and throwing things at each other. While they were fighting with swords, Lwaxana was looking at Joxer and found him attractive. Lwaxana walked toward Joxer and took his hand and kissed it. Lwaxana said, "You are a very attractive man."

Joxer said, "I like your sexy outfit." Joxer and Lwaxana began to kiss each other. Joxer commented, "I think I'm falling in love with you." Joxer and Lwaxana walked out of sight from the others.

Xena and Callisto had gotten tired after fighting with their swords and finally called its quits. Xena pointed a sword at Q and said angrily, "You send Callisto back where she belongs. We don't need any more war Gods." Then Ares, Callisto and Q vanished.

The rest of the crew went toward the lake and found Lwaxana and Joxer swimming. Gabrielle grabbed their clothes from the bushes and hid them. Gabrielle said to Joxer, "Don't you think she would be twice the of age as of you? I had confidence that you loved me."

Joxer said, "I believe that I fell under a love spell. This has happened too suddenly."

Beverly said, "Lwaxana is a Betazoid and they are known to attract others through sudden love spells. It happens every time when she visits us."

Lwaxana said, "How about all of you join with us."

Everyone finally got into lake for a swim. Riker held Deanna's hand and said to her, "This would be nice if we had it for ourselves."

Deanna was now kissing Riker and he said, "I take it that you like it since I shaved my beard. I like this place. It seems peaceful in this lake."

As soon as they got though swimming, Q and Ares and Callisto appeared again. The Borg had just gotten beamed down from their ship. The voices from the Borg said, "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

The captain said angrily, "Q, why did you bring the Borg here? Don't you realize that you would change the course of history by assimilating humanity at this time?"

Q replied, "Ares and Callisto thought about assimilating Xena, because she'll be part of the collective."

The Borg grabbed Gabrielle and planted a drone on her. Gabrielle became assimilated. Callisto walked to the Borg and Callisto became assimilated. Callisto said, "Xena, I'm going to assimilate you. And I'm sure would love to assimilate Zeus."

Several Borg were after Xena. Xena threw her chakram at the Borg. The chakram knocked out all of Borg except Callisto and Gabrielle. Xena said, "You're not going to assimilate me.

Joxer said, "These must be a strangest gods I ever saw. Does this mean this will be a Borg God?"

Worf replied, "The Borg are not Gods. The Borg will assimilate anyone in the universe. Once they are assimilated, they'll all be in the collective. If we don't stop them, a whole universe will be assimilated."

Xena and Callisto in Borg form were now fighting each other with the swords and kicking each other. Q and Ares were enjoying watching them fighting. They had been fighting about half an hour when Callisto vanished. Xena pointed a sword at Q and said, "You stop that nonsense and get that Borg stuff off Gabrielle."

Q replied, "Sorry Xena, I won't remove Borg drones from her." A sword suddenly materialized for Q and they began to fight. Q and Xena were fighting for about 15 minutes until they got tired. Then Q suddenly beamed all of them including Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle on board the Enterprise.

The Borg cubical ship was approaching. The voices from the Borg ship said, "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile." The Borg ship was using a tractor beam to bring in the Enterprise. Xena, Riker, and the Captain got beamed onto a Borg ship. Callisto somehow was on this ship. Xena threw her chakram throughout the Borg ship knocking out Borg drones. Xena threw Callisto at the control panels.

Riker said, "Let's hurry up and blow that ship!

Xena threw the chakram to destroy the control panels and tubes. They planted explosives on the ship. Riker said to the Enterprise communicator, "Three to beam back. Go to Warp 3 immediately."

After beaming to the Enterprise, the Borg ship was blown to pieces. Xena said, "I hope it killed Callisto this time for good."

Lwaxana and Joxer were walking to the holodeck. Lwaxana told the computer for the holodeck, "Program mudbath." Lwaxana said to Joxer, "How would you like to have a mudbath?"

Joxer replied, "It sounds good." After they got into the mudbath, they were romancing each other.

Deanna said to the computer, "Locate Lwaxana."

The computer voice replied, "She's at the Holodeck One with Joxer."

Deanna, Riker and Xena walked into the holodeck and got astonished. Deanna said, "Mother, don't think about having Joxer. After all, he's not in the time line as you are."

Lwaxana replied, "Why don't all of you come in and join us? It's really healthy for your body."

Q and Ares materialized. Q used his power to made rest of them naked. Riker held Deanna's hand and said, Let us get in."

After Riker and Deanna got into the mud bath, Deanna said, "That's really feels good. My mother always loves mudbath." Deanna said to Q, "Next time, you respect people's privacy."

Ares grabbed Xena and jumped into mudbath. Ares said to Xena, "Doesn't that feel good? I think you love that."

Xena replied, "You better not get fresh with me. You are supposed to be my enemy." All of them were now enjoying the mudbath.

While they were at the mudbath, Dr. Crusher was removing the Borg drone inplants from Gabrielle. When Gabrielle woke up, she said, "I'm glad you got those machines off me. This is the most horrible experience I've ever had."

At the transporter room, they were beaming Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer back home. Q and Ares appeared. Ares said, "I'm going home where Xena is. I'm not going to stay in the Q Continuum."

The captain said to Q, "You get off of my ship and don't come back. All you do is cause problems." Q vanished and the Enterprise returned to normal time. The captain checked the computer to make sure that history hadn't changed. The data showed that it was back to normal.

Lwaxana said to Deanna, "Everytime I come here to visit, I never find the man I want to marry. I find an attractive man and next thing, he's gone."

Deanna replied, "If you would be patient, then you will find your right man."

The Captain said, "Go to warp 5. We're going home."

The End